My Strength and My Song

2/8/25        Hello Fam <3        It has been a minute since our last update. To be quite honest, it has been very emotionally taxing couple of months. We found out in December that most of Seung's tumors were starting to show growth. Then he developed an allergy to one of his chemo meds that lengthened his infusion from 90 minutes to 12 hours. And in the midst of everything, Seung got sick and it wiped him out for almost a month. New Years was especially difficult, as the feelings of disappointment and discontent ran rampant. The New Year didn't feel new or exciting... but hopeless as we continue to navigate this difficult journey of living with cancer. The daily grind of finding hope and courage in the midst of anxiety and fear... to find joy feels utterly impossible. But we do. We find pockets of joy watching our kids interact, engaging with our church family that has easily become as close if not closer than our actual family, and reading t...

Hello, this is Seung. It's been a while. Time really flies. I have received my 27th chemo session so far.  My last one was on October 28. My weight is at 166.4 pounds. I'm slowly gaining.  My CEA is dropping. It went up to 2561, but is now at 219. Back in May, I had a surgery (HAI pump placement) for the first time in my life. Now, two scars are very visible on my tummy. Thankfully, I have recovered from the surgery well (prayers answer!) I carry a pump and a port in my body now.  I still have neuropathy. It hasn't gotten better or worse. I'm losing hair again O is calling me "Baba" It's been so long that I have so many things on my mind. Surgery seems like a distant past, but that was only four months ago. I cannot believe where I am now. Thankfully, the new treatment (HAI) is working well for now. My liver functions have improved. My last CT scan in October showed the tumors on my liver decreased in size. That's great news! Yet, we also learned that ...

 Hello Fam <3 It has been about 6 weeks since our last update. So far Seung has received his first dose of his specialized liver chemo (FUDR for those who are interested) and has had no real side effects that we know of.  Unfortunately, Seung had a CT scan the day after receiving his first dose and had a pretty bad reaction to the contrast so we don't know for sure.  Seung is receiving systemic chemo round #20/ round #1 @ UCSF and he is/was pretty nervous coming into it today. He's been off of systemic chemo for the last 12 weeks... and the nerves with starting it back up again (with all of the side effects and the general crummy feeling overall) have been overwhelming. In the most recent scans, we saw that this cancer has grown, which was to be expected... but still a little defeating. We are hopeful that this new liver directed therapy does its job in lessening the "disease burden" to his liver and the systemic chemo wipes out the rest of the cancer in his primar...

 Hello Fam <3 Quick update. Seung is getting surgery tomorrow, bright and early in the morning. He was originally scheduled for May 21st, but he tested positive for COVID 2 weeks ago and needed to postpone his surgery to May 28th.  Initially we were told that protocol called for a 3 week postponement... The anxiety and disappointment that followed were reminiscent of when Seung was first diagnosed. And let me tell you, it was giving me flashbacks. We had run so hard towards a singular goal: to get Seung treated and to receive this specialized treatment from UCSF. But to be told that we would need to postpone was so devastating. Seung had to be off of chemo for 6-8 weeks before surgery and as a result, his liver enzymes were already incredibly elevated... so having to wait another 3 weeks, and possibly even forgo surgery until we could get his liver functioning better was so so disappointing. I wanted to throw in the towel and sit in my sorrow.  Persevering in the face ...

Hello, this is Seung.   I have received 19th chemo sessions so far.  My last one was on April 8th.  What happened since then? My weight is at 183 pounds.  I lose about 4 pounds in the week that I get chemo. My CEA (carcinoembryonic antigen) has been going up.  It went down to 73.7, but it is at 233. I am praying that it will go back down.  My 17th (and 19th) chemo session were postponed due to low white blood cell count. I got two haircuts.   My brother and his wife visited. My parents visited for O's first birthday. I still have neuropathy.  My family visited San Diego. O is walking and even running! (Not talking yet, just random noises) Since the new year, I have been trying to have my sons read the Bible more often.  C can read on his own, so he just finished Numbers.  A and O cannot read yet, so I read the Bible for them (when I feel good enough).  For A, we read shorter books (like 2 and 3 John).  Once we got thr...

1.14.24 Hello Fam <3 It's been a minute since our last update. To be quite honest, the holidays took a major toll on all of us. The special days: Thanksgiving, Christmas, all of our birthdays, sent us into a downward spiral of emotions.  The special days that used to bring us so much joy, brought about fear and anxiety... fear that this would be our very last... the need to make the most out of these special days, but not having the bandwidth to do so.  On top of everything, recovering from illnesses and entertaining family pushed us over the edge and we need a little breather.   But as the New Year approached, I found myself reflecting on what kind of year we had in 2023. Boy oh boy was it a doozy. We had really high highs and extremely low lows... We had our precious Ollie, started at CCPC, moved homes, received Seung's diagnosis, Cal started at public school, pulled Cal out of public school and Seung received 13 rounds of chemo. Initially, when I started the re...