Perseverance in the face of disappointment

 Hello Fam <3

Quick update. Seung is getting surgery tomorrow, bright and early in the morning. He was originally scheduled for May 21st, but he tested positive for COVID 2 weeks ago and needed to postpone his surgery to May 28th.  Initially we were told that protocol called for a 3 week postponement... The anxiety and disappointment that followed were reminiscent of when Seung was first diagnosed. And let me tell you, it was giving me flashbacks. We had run so hard towards a singular goal: to get Seung treated and to receive this specialized treatment from UCSF. But to be told that we would need to postpone was so devastating. Seung had to be off of chemo for 6-8 weeks before surgery and as a result, his liver enzymes were already incredibly elevated... so having to wait another 3 weeks, and possibly even forgo surgery until we could get his liver functioning better was so so disappointing. I wanted to throw in the towel and sit in my sorrow. 

Persevering in the face of disappointment... is hard. It is so easy to trust that God is providing us a way through the cancer diagnosis when things seem to be linear. And so far it has. God has truly surrounded us with medical professionals, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ thus far and everything has been linear... And yes, I am so grateful that this is maybe the first major setback since Seung's diagnosis a year ago... but man oh man... I am confronted by how weak and feeble my faith truly is.  My "mantra" this year has been, "God is on my side: to find rest and be less anxious about the unknowns knowing that God is for me." And it's definitely easier said than done... but as I have been reading through Psalms, I am reminded that God receives all of it... not the polished, edited versions of my prayers, but the gut-wrenching, silent screams that seem to echo in my heart and mind at all hours of the day. When all I can manage is, "we're doing well," God sees me and hears my pleads.

As you guys might have already guessed, I am more a feelings on the outside kind of gal, while Seung is more that feel his feelings on the inside kind of man. This last week's primary focus was to keep Seung healthy and on track for surgery... but in less than 24 hours Seung will be receiving major surgery and the nerves are real. We earnestly ask for your prayers as Seung goes under the knife... That there will be no complications and that Seung will recover well.  We are told that it might be a long recovery, so that the boys will understand and take it in stride. Seung will be unable to lift anything heavier than 5lbs for the next 8-12 weeks or so and will be living with a hockey-puck sized pump imbedded into his stomach for the next 5 years or more. Please pray that this treatment will do it's job and along with systemic chemo, will Lord willing, give us many many more years with the man we love so much. 

Thank you <3 

-E

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