Learning to Live Between Hope and Reality

Hello, this is Seung.

It's been a while. Time really flies. I have received my 27th chemo session so far.  My last one was on October 28.

  • My weight is at 166.4 pounds. I'm slowly gaining. 
  • My CEA is dropping. It went up to 2561, but is now at 219.
  • Back in May, I had a surgery (HAI pump placement) for the first time in my life. Now, two scars are very visible on my tummy.
  • Thankfully, I have recovered from the surgery well (prayers answer!)
  • I carry a pump and a port in my body now. 
  • I still have neuropathy. It hasn't gotten better or worse.
  • I'm losing hair again
  • O is calling me "Baba"

It's been so long that I have so many things on my mind. Surgery seems like a distant past, but that was only four months ago. I cannot believe where I am now. Thankfully, the new treatment (HAI) is working well for now. My liver functions have improved. My last CT scan in October showed the tumors on my liver decreased in size. That's great news! Yet, we also learned that the multiple tumors on my lungs grew, but very slightly (1 mm to 3 mm). 

These results have me go back and forth in what I hope for and what I have. The days that I feel well, I envision how life can be. But, when I don't feel well, I imagine the worst. How am I supposed to live now? Do I try to make every day special because we are not sure how many days I have left? Or do I just enjoy the mundane, go through "normal" routines of life? Also, is there a right answer to that question? I don't have it yet and  I don't know if I'll ever know. 

So far, I try to make the most out of my circumstances. I'm grateful to God for where I am. "Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" (Psalm 118:1). 


Some gratitudes include:

  • Celebrating our 12th year anniversary with Esther
  • Little things in life
  • Walks with my sons
  • Being able to eat and drink
  • Food tasting good
  • Jogging around with Calvin and Athan at their soccer practices
  • Coaching Athan's soccer team last weekend 
  • My church, Christ Central SF
  • Catching up with my NAP brothers
  • Those who are praying for me and my family

Prayer Requests 

  1. Esther and Seung - Please pray that my treatment will continue to work well. Receiving chemo accumulates in my body and it definitely takes a toll. we will discern well with my treatment. 
  2. My sons - They are growing well. Esther and I would love for them to grow in every aspect. 
  3. IV fluid shortage - I didn't know Hurricane Helene would affect me here on the west coast. A factory in North Carolina that produces IV fluids was shut down after Hurricane Helene. My hospital still gives me fluids while I get chemo, but pray that supplies will start coming soon. 
  4. Esther's parents - Esther's parents (my in-laws) have been with us from the beginning of my treatment. They put their life on pause and came to help us. In January 2025, they will be leaving to go back out to the mission field. They are nervous and excited. Please pray for them to adjust well in the new country and new people. 

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