Finding comfort in the mundane

7/16/23

Hello Fam! 

It's been some time since our last update.  

Since then, Seung has received round 3 of chemo and is actually going in tomorrow to get round 4.  Some praise reports :) I had shared before that Seung's liver enzyme numbers were trending down and praise be to God that all but 1 are in the normal range AND his cancer numbers (CEA) have dropped from 15,000s to 8,000s.  We still have a LONG road (normal is below 5), but we are so thankful that Seung's body is tolerating chemo well and we're seeing improvements each time he receives chemo.  

Round 3 was a beast. We had changed one of Seung's anti-nausea medications because the side effects were gnarly.  It would send Seung almost into a vegetative state because they were so sedative, BUT it helped keep the nausea at bay.  Since we changed his medication, he was more alert, but the nausea hit him much harder than before... It took him a full week to "recover" and slowly get back into the routine of things.  We're still in the process of weighing the pros and cons of each medication and trying to figure out what works best for Seung, but so far, we are seeing that Seung feels like a completely different person the week after receiving chemo.  There are days (PLURAL) when he feels normal and is eating, exercising, and playing with the kids and those days are so so precious. And then comes chemo and it knocks him out on his behind for the rest of the week... 

Personally, the up and down every 2 weeks has been exhausting. I have hit what I like to call "caregiver fatigue." (I'm not sure it's a real thing but it sums up what I've been feeling.) The mental load of keeping track of everyone's appointments, preparing for events, and even the day to day has been draining.  What's weird is that, these are all things I've been doing, and maybe it's the sheer volume, but I find my body heavy and my mind lagging. Seeing Seung do EXTREMELY well one week and then to hit rock bottom the next does a number on my mental well-being... the emotional yo-yo-ing is something that I'm still getting used to... But Seung and I are so thankful that there is a rhythm.  There is a pattern that we have seen with how Seung responds to treatment.  A pattern that has given us a sense of comfort.  Seung is much better at accepting change and adapting, where as I... struggle immensely.  So even the fact that Seung has a "consistent" up and down is comforting.  

On another note, seeing glimpses of who Seung was before cancer, in his interactions with others, his care, his love is so awe-inspiring.  Even when his body is broken, Seung continues to hurt for the lost, care for the broken and is so eager to worship with our body of believers whenever he can. I am so thankful that I am able to witness what it means to have Christ as the center: to have Christ so intertwined in a life that everything that flows through it be a manifestation of what we are called to be as followers. It is a humbling and breath-taking sight to behold. 

All I can say is thank you.  Thank you for reading our blog and for praying on our behalf. Your prayers have meant and continue to mean so much to us. I don't know if we would have the strength or the confidence we have each day, if not for your prayers.  Thank you for being a part of a journey that no one could have never predicted, but a journey that we hope will continue to glorify God through our highs and lows. 

Some specific prayer requests:

- Seung is getting round 4 tomorrow and then a set of scans to see how his cancer is responding to treatment.  Seung has shared that there are a lot of nerves associated with waiting... every 2 weeks he gets his bloodwork done and even that is nerve wracking.  But waiting on the results of scans... I can't even imagine.  Please pray for a peace of mind and for us to see physical evidence of God's work through the doctors and medicine.

- Please pray for restorative rest for Esther.  That she finds comfort in the Lord, that even when her body feels less than ideal, her mind and soul will find rest and comfort in a God who provides.

-Please continue to pray for the boys as they also get into the routine of Seung's chemo schedule.  That they won't ever feel like they're not important...

<3 E


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