A Dose of Reality

Hello, this is Seung (it seems like Esther and I are taking turns updating).  After the second round of chemo, I wanted to share few updates and thoughts.


My second round chemo was on June 19.  What happened?

  • Thanks to a certain friend who told us that the second round of chemo will be the hardest, Esther and I got really nervous.  
  • Well, I slept through chemo.  The anti-nausea meds knocked me out for hours. Then, it left me dehydrated.
  • One change with the chemo was that my oncologist upped the dose of irinotecan (one of chemo meds) since my liver enzymes improved.  However, this left me with more side effects.  
  • I am losing my hair.  I'm taken back by how much falls out every time I wash my hair.  
  • Also, the anti-nausea med left me very drowsy and lethargic few days after chemo.  I was not in condition to update blog or even read the Bible.


During that week, I had a thought.  Not an optimistic one, but just a realistic one.  What if the miracle happens and I am free of cancer, but it makes a comeback?  Like I said, not really optimistic, but a realistic thought.  I was served a dose of reality.  Up to that point, I had a hopeful month: chemo seems to work well, my liver enzyme numbers improved, and had days when it felt normal (I even drove).  Yet, I am sick (and could always be) and that's a somber dose of reality.

Then, on Sunday (June 25), I was served another dose of reality.  This time, it came in the form of bread and wine (more like cracker and juice).  Nutrition wise, this meal had very little value (not much protein).  Yet, this was a dose of spiritual (a.k.a. eschatological) reality.  And I needed it.  I needed it to reassure me of the reality that is more real (permanent and eternal) than what I feel in my body or can see with my eyes.  This dose of reality is necessary for me.  Thank God that he serves it once a month at my church. 


Some gratitudes include:

  • Water didn't taste sweet this time
  • I still have an appetite
  • My mom and my mother-in-law's cooking skills
  • My father-in-law arriving safely
  • A friend who personally delivered food from SD
  • Still receiving letters 
  • My parents giving me feet and back massages
  • Being able to eat close to 100 g of protein each day
  • A friend who made one-of-a-kind gift
  • My parents and my in-laws showering grandkids with love
  • Having enough energy to worship in person


Prayer Request 

My third chemo session is on July 3.  Thankfully, side effects have been manageable so far.  Please pray for me to have the strength to endure through the third one.  Now, this is not just for me, but for all my family members (especially Esther).  They have to deal with sickly Seung after the chemo (and all other logistical things as well), so prayer for strength is for them as well.



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